Warning: Strong language.

It’s very early in the morning and I’m back on a plane homeward after yet another trip back to Kansas to visit my dad.

This trip ended up being the last time I saw him. Goddamn cancer took him from us late last week and we had his funeral just a few days ago. I was fortunate enough to get back to be able to spend time before he passed.

The last few weeks have been very emotional for my family needless to say. The memories of my mom’s brave cancer fight and the similarities with my dad’s own battle two years later have rocked us back on our heels yet again. Even though we have those horrible recent memories, they cannot, and WILL NOT, replace all of the great memories and all the love and support they gave us all throughout the years.

With those memories and love and support we continue on with our own journeys, passing on to our own families not only the things we learned in our own lives but also the things that we learned from our parents.

The last few days I started the process of transferring over utilities for the house into my name and looking into wrapping up financial affairs for my parents. Even though I knew this day would come, it is so very strange to be doing this and is, admittedly, a little uncomfortable to be so intimately involved with something so personal…but it has to be done. I started a checklist of things I need to take care of and got several things checked off that list already.

After owning very little the last few years I now own a 1926 Ford Model T and a house with all of my parents personal things and memories. Soon we will be starting the long process of going through things and that will certainly be another ride on the emotional roller coaster for all of us.

My sister has been staying at the house the last couple of years, keeping an eye on my dad and taking care of him as necessary. With her own health issues it was the best thing for her as well. I am certain losing our dad will be tough on her once it really sets in, but we really have a great network of support from friends and family and I hope she takes advantage of that support when necessary.

It was great to see my family and I do miss them all. It was good to see our other relatives and friends at the funeral. I met several new people that knew my parents and some familiar ones as well. The reality is I will probably never see any of them again.

The service went great and my immediate family all wore plain white t-shirts in honor of my dad. It’s how he dressed at home and we wanted to pay homage to him. A few people thought it was strange until I explained why we were dressed that way.

I am anxious to be back home. On top of all of the emotional stress and numerous plane trips the last few months the allergies I have really kicked my ass while I was back. I am exhausted and ready to be back in my surroundings.

I’m not quite ready to go back to work – I need some downtime for myself after all of this. I do have time off coming up and I am really looking forward to it. But, reality beckons and life marches forward for the rest of us. The distraction from the events of the last two weeks will be welcomed, however, and it will definitely help me get in a better place within.

Fuck you, cancer.